I’m an introvert.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t like people or that
I’m shy or that I’m afraid of crowds. Rather, it means that being with people
takes energy from me, while being alone restores my energy. Extroverts are the
opposite, they get energy from being with people and are drained by being
alone. Because of that, it’s usually easier for extroverts to make friends,
while it takes some effort for an introvert.
Think of it in terms of sleeping and waking; both
are necessary for a proper, healthy life. Some people naturally need less
sleep, they wake up chipper and excited at 5am. Other people crawl out of bed
at a quarter to noon stumbling after the first cup of coffee. Neither one is
wrong or bad. Both need sleep and both need to be awake.
The important thing is finding your balance and
learning how you function best. Think of alone time as sleep and time with
people as being awake. You can’t sleep forever and still be healthy, that’s
called a coma and they put you in the hospital for it. You can’t stay awake
forever and still be healthy, that’s called insomnia and they give you medicine
to deal with it. You can’t stay alone forever and you can’t be with people
forever. We need both to be healthy.
Introverts need to learn how to be with people and
extroverts need to learn how to be alone.
Introverts
As an introvert, I sometimes need a boost to get
out with people. It’s not that I don’t like it, I just need some help getting started.
It’s the relational equivalent of a cup of coffee in the morning. When I’m
spending time with people I need to be aware of the energy I’m expending. The
more people there are and the more people I’ve never met, the more energy I
expend. I can spend a long time with a few close friends, but after a couple
hours with a crowd of strangers, I’m exhausted.
When I’m tired, I need to rest and recuperate.
Just like someone who’s sleepy needs to go and take a nap, spending time alone
is important for health. If I need to, I can stay up for a couple days or go
for a week on just a few hours of sleep, but it’s not a long-term situation. If
I were to try and live that way, I’d get sick, be grouchy and generally just
not be a happy person. The same is true for spending time with people. If I
need to, I can do a lot of it, as long as it’s for a short amount of time. Then
I need to catch up on my alone time.
Introverts do a good job at being close friends
with a few people. They need help meeting new people and making new acquaintances.
Extroverts
My wife is an extrovert. She loves to be with
people and enjoys crowds. Sometimes she needs help to stay in and relax, even
when there’s a party going on somewhere. In the same way as me being enticed to
go out, I need to encourage her to stay in sometimes. Once she does relax, she’s
happy about it and it’s a helpful thing, but it’s not her natural state of
being.
Extroverts can’t last a long time being alone.
They can do it for a short time, if necessary, but they’ll start to go a little
stir-crazy after a while.
Extroverts do a good job of making new friends and
meeting people. They need help creating deep friendships and slowing down.
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