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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas Song Tournament of Champions

The competition is heated and stakes are high. Who will emerge from the field of 32 to claim the prize and become the GREATEST CHRISTMAS SONG EVER!?

Top seeded Jingle Bells and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen look to have easy matches agains their lowly opponents. Feliz Navidad and Jingle Bells - Barking Dogs could never claim more than passing interest. They fall easily to their powerhouse rivals.

In a stunning upset, White Christmas is dethroned by the Hannukkah Song - the crooner is complaining about the unfair advantage of competing against the only Jewish song in the tournament.

Poor Greensleeves is just too old and worn out to put up much of a fight, even against Frosty the Snowman.

Silent night wins a squeaker against the master Tchaikovsky, the ability to sing along swayed the crowd and gave the win to the Night.

Baby it's Cold Outside couldn't hold up against the blitz of the German machine O Tannenbaum.

Holly Jolly Christmas and I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus show that they have never been more than pretenders in this competition, their opponents waltz on through to the sweet sixteen. You'll be seeing more of Most Wonderful Time of the Year and Ave Maria.

In another upset, the 12 Days of Christmas just outlasted O Holy Night. No matter what happened 12 Days just kept going. It was brutal.

The Hallelujah Chorus did the running over when Grandma Got Run Over tried to stand in its path.

No one knows how Weird Al's song Christmas at Ground Zero even qualified for the tournament - the comedy songs just don't match up well against classics like The Christmas Song.

Do You Hear What I Hear and the Little Drummer Boy battled to the very end. Ultimately these two similar songs were separated by the simple fact that kids like to say "ass" at Christmas time. Drummer Boy advances.

Hark the Herald Angels Sing versus Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer may seem like a competition of opposites, but they are surprisingly similar on field. Too bad for Hark they didn't put in space for the kids - Rudolph moves on.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas came out strong and pummeled Santa Clause is Coming to Town. But with a nod and a wink, Santa slid through to the next round.

In the "I don't know what these have to do with Christmas" category: Carol of the Bells and Joy to the World duked it out for a long time. What finally decided the match was when Carol pulled out the Trans-Siberian Orchestra rendition and rocked Joy out of the game.

We Three Kings seems to be the forgotten song, and they forgot to show up at the tournament. Too bad for them, but good for Ode to Joy, they needed an easy first round win.

Come back tomorrow for the results of the Sweet Sixteen.

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